Hi, and welcome to my turdblog. I'm new to blogging. I'm actually new to forming complete thoughts and typing on a keyboard too so please forgive any typo-negatives. That is all the disclaimer I've got.

I'll begin by describing my new morning routine: wake up, jump off the bed and poop in the middle of the living room. It's new because this is only the third day I've done it. So far I haven't gotten in a lick of trouble because my Mom is a pisces and they're no disciplinarians.

Hank tip #1: If you are a troublemaker, make sure your Mom is a pisces...trust me.